Triangle of Pain

In the weeks and months following my initial cancer diagnosis in December 2015, the disease status occupied my every thought. Did the initial chemoradiation treatment work? Or had cancer already spread below my collar bone, which would change my prognosis from curative to palliative? If so, where did it spread and how fast was it growing? It was all I could think about (rightfully so, as it turned out).

Lately, however, my focus has shifted to managing various debilitating side effects of cancer and its treatment. It started with hip/buttock/leg pain that ultimately was diagnosed as originating from cancer progression to my spine. That pain was primarily managed with a combination of radiation, steroids, and OxyContin®, along with the use of a walking cane. Next came breathing difficulty and coughing from radiation pneumonitis and fibrosis. Those effects are being managed by increasing existing steroids and adding a nebulizer.

As mentioned in my prior blog post, the latest issue is a sharp, stabbing pain near the inferior border of my left lung (see Figure 1). This has been accompanied by mild swelling and numbness near the skin surface. Coincidentally, this is also where three permanent radiation tattoos used to guide my prior spleen therapy can be seen (tiny blue dots seen within small, solid red circles in Figure 1). The pain, swelling, and numbness are all located within the red dashed lines—what I reference as a “triangle of pain.”

Figure 1. Michael Becker’s permanent radiation tattoos—tiny blue dots shown in small, solid red circles. Pain, swelling, and numbness have been confined to the triangular area represented by the red dashed lines.

Recent CT and X-ray imaging of the area hasn’t revealed any anomalies, such as a rib fracture. I was already taking 10mg of OxyContin and 20mg of prednisone daily to help manage the spinal metastases and radiation pneumonitis/fibrosis, the latter of which was increased to 30mg to potentially help with the new rib pain. On chemotherapy treatment day, I also receive an additional dose of steroids via IV as part of the premedication course. Additionally, I have recently been prescribed 300mg gabapentin twice daily, as it can help treat neuropathic pain.

When I got out of bed the day after my first dose of paclitaxel last week, I noticed that the rib area pain was completely gone for the first time. The relief must have been due to the added dose of steroids, as the rib pain returned in full force the following day. I had a similar experience this week following my second treatment with paclitaxel yesterday at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (MSKCC).

While steroids can be very effective, the list of side effects they can cause is extensive. Of particular concern are osteoporosis (bone weakness) and osteonecrosis (bone death). Accordingly, my medical team has put me back down to 20mg of prednisone daily with the goal of finding alternatives for pain management, such as gabapentin.

Another option is to locate the source of pain and treat it instead. For example, it’s possible that the rib area pain that I’m experiencing is referred pain from further cancer progression to my spine. Similar to how the hip/buttock/leg pain I’m experiencing is referred from cancer invasion of the L5 vertebrae. To gain more insight, I will be scheduled for another MRI of the spine in the near future.

With spring around the corner, it would be nice to get these issues addressed so that I can feel comfortable doing normal activities again, such as simply taking the dogs for a walk. Currently, this is difficult to manage with a walking cane and breathing difficulties that are exacerbated by cold weather.

Closing the post on a positive note, like Lester Holt’s signature sign-off segments that help end his NBC evening broadcasts with a reason for optimism, we were fortunate to celebrate Rosie’s 21st birthday as a family this week. It was a beautiful day that started with a trip down memory lane—cooking her pancakes for breakfast. An important reminder that there are still beautiful moments scattered all along the cancer journey and reasons to continue the walk. In fact, up next…Lorie’s birthday and Megan’s high school graduation!

Michael Becker cutting the birthday cake with daughter Rosie and friend Abbi

Life’s a Beach

Last summer I was in terrible shape. I had not one, but two chest tubes to drain fluid from my left lung. My disease was progressing with each CT scan. I was contending with a newly discovered blood clot and bleeding issues from the corresponding medication. Also, a rapid heart rate required a brief stay in the ICU. The prognosis at that time was grim. In fact, if someone told me at the time that I’d still be here this summer—I wouldn’t have believed them.

However, after starting combination chemotherapy, my cancer regressed (still present, but smaller). Both chest tubes were eventually removed as the fluid in my lung cleared. My heart rate has been stable since starting medication. An inferior vena cava (IVC) filter, a medical device, was implanted into my inferior vena cava to catch blood clots and stop them from moving up to the heart and lungs.

After finishing my ninth cycle/month of combination chemotherapy (carboplatin and paclitaxel), I decided to take a treatment break in March 2018 at the suggestion of my oncologist. With each passing day, my energy and appetite have improved. Today, I almost look and feel “normal” for the first time since beginning treatment back in early 2016.

But this coming week marks my periodic CT scan to see how my disease has behaved (or not) without any treatment during the past few months. Understandably stressful and causing me great anxiety (scanxiety), I’ve had four migraines in a little over one week. Uncharacteristic enough in frequency to warrant a trip to the emergency room, but an MRI of my head showed everything was fine. Or, “f.i.n.e.” as far as my brain goes! (A reference to rock band Aerosmith’s acronym “Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional”)

For me, distractions are key during periods of scanxiety. So, my youngest daughter, Megan, and I spent the day at the shore (Ocean Grove Beach, NJ) on Friday. We’re the only two members of our immediate (and very pale) family who truly enjoy going to the beach. It was my first trip there since before being diagnosed in 2015!

However, more fun than the sun, sand, and sea were the impromptu singing sessions in the car ride there and back. Since they were young, I’ve exposed both our daughters to a wide variety of music. I’m proud they still know the words and can sing along to diverse artists such as Johnny Cash, The Beatles, Guns N’ Roses, Van Halen, and many others. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, but Meg has a decent singing voice.

The perfect ending to the day, I barbequed burgers for Lorie and me after arriving home late that afternoon. School is still in session, so she had worked a full day. It was quite a feast – fresh sweet corn, baked beans, and chips. Preparing a meal for her was nice for a change.

I’ve lost count of the fantastic times that I’ve experienced during my recent treatment break. But yesterday was one that will stand out for quite some time. It was a darn good day!

After this week’s CT scan and subsequent radiology report, I’ll post another blog update. So, stay tuned.

Memoir Published

Well, gulp! My memoir is finally done and published.

Memoir book cover – “A Walk With Purpose” by Michael D. Becker

A Walk With Purpose chronicles my career path from an investment advisor to chief executive officer of an oncology-focused biotechnology company, and finally into a terminal cancer patient confronting his own mortality. It is a memoir about both my life and illness, battling stage 4 head and neck cancer.

Both paperback & digital copies available via Amazon:

To visit the Amazon ordering page, please click here

PS – Good, bad, or indifferent, if you have read the book please do take a moment to leave an honest review on Amazon