Thankful for Cancer?

In recent blog posts, I discussed my interest in trying new things, such as transcendental meditation, acupuncture, sound therapy, etc. I connected with other terminal cancer patients and found that some of them were pursuing similar avenues.

Through these interactions, I was introduced and started reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche, Patrick D. Gaffney, and Andrew Harvey (thank you @StacieChevrier). I haven’t read much of the book yet, but so far it is chock full of valuable insights and memorable quotes. For example:

“Tibetan Buddhists believe that illnesses like cancer can be a warning, to remind us that we have been neglecting deep aspects of our being, such as our spiritual needs. If we take this warning seriously and change fundamentally the direction of our lives, there is a very real hope for healing not only our body, but our whole being.”

The quote implies that cancer could actually be a good thing. Similarly, in the past I’ve come across posts from other cancer survivors talking about the various ways they were actually “thankful” for getting cancer. I must admit, at the time I found such notions absolutely ludicrous. I certainly wasn’t thankful for having cancer. F@ck cancer!

However, I am starting to perhaps better understand and appreciate the nature of such remarks. For example, as stated in the quote above “…cancer can be a warning, to remind us that we have been neglecting deep aspects of our being.”

In the past, I was very skeptical of meditation, acupuncture, and other spiritual needs. Cancer opened my eyes to at least try new techniques, and now I am a believer and realize the void that they can fill.

By writing and publishing my memoir A Walk with Purpose along with my photography book Strength, Confidence & Beauty: A Collection of Female Portraits, I learned a lot about myself and my life’s journey. Tackling these activities were always in the back of my mind, but somehow there was never enough time to focus on them. Cancer provided both the motivation and a sense of urgency.

Left to right: Michael, Sheff, Brad (and, of course, Humphrey). Click to enlarge.

Through my cancer diagnosis, I also started connecting with amazing individuals and received overwhelming support from mere acquaintances to complete strangers. Just yesterday, a few of my Twitter buddies (@bradloncar and @SheffStation) made the long trip to rural Pennsylvania just to spend some quality time together. To be fair, it’s completely possible they just came to see our new adorable puppy Humphrey – but, hey, I’ll still take it. (In all seriousness, many thanks to Brad, Sheff, and others that have visited in recent weeks and months!)

I learned to “live in the moment,” appreciate the little things, and slow my life down a bit. Of course, some of this didn’t come by choice, but rather the diminished energy and fatigue of battling cancer.

Before cancer, I was wandering aimlessly with no real goal in life other than a desire for material wealth. Now, I am on a mission – to raise awareness of the human papillomavirus (HPV) and its link to six different cancers with the hope of getting more children vaccinated so they don’t suffer my same fate. I am someone with a deep motivation, a purpose in life, a definite direction, and an overpowering conviction that there will be a reward at the end of it all.

And so, I asked myself: “Am I thankful for getting cancer?” At this point, the fears and future uncertainties prevent me from answering with a resounding “yes.” But, I am warming up to the idea that cancer has changed me for the better, and for that – it is hard not to be thankful.