Looking Over Your Shoulder

CancerAs I approach the five-month mark since completing chemoradiation, I can FINALLY start to see light at the end of the tunnel. Just this month, I’ve started to notice significant improvement in both energy and ambition. A few weekends ago, I actually went out to see a movie, ran errands, did a photoshoot, and even jump-started a car. It seemed like a miracle! Prior to that, my weekend activities consisted solely of laying on the couch napping or watching television after managing to get through the exhausting work week routine.

I’m not sure if the increased energy was related to my body finally starting to heal or the fact that a few weeks ago I started taking a special type of ginseng supplement that has been shown to help with cancer treatment-related fatigue. For more information, you can read about it here. Either way, the difference is dramatic compared to a month ago.

Unfortunately, my appetite isn’t quite back to normal and my weight is now down 46 pounds from the start of therapy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy to have shed those unwanted pounds – but I don’t think the chemoradiation diet fad will catch on anytime soon. Aside from not being hungry, my saliva output is still greatly diminished and that impacts on food selection and taste.

However, with the recent favorable PET scan, energy returning, and being back to what I consider my ideal weight – you’d think the word “cancer” would slowly start to fade from everyday thoughts and discussion. Not so.

Case in point: this past weekend. A series of minor gastrointestinal issues was easy to dismiss until escalating Friday evening. After vomiting for the fifth time during the evening, I briefly passed out while making my way to the bathroom and my wife had to call 911. While I couldn’t imagine any possible connection between head/neck cancer and the new gastrointestinal symptoms, it didn’t stop me from going to that “dark place” while laying face down on the bathroom floor and during the short ambulance ride to the hospital (PS – my first ambulance ride; not as exciting as it seems on television). Fortunately, this was one of the few non-cancer related trips to the emergency room and I was simply diagnosed with the norovirus, also known as the winter vomiting bug (lucky me to catch such a bug during the middle of summer…). After receiving two bags of intravenous solution to replenish my electrolytes, along with anti-nausea medication, I was released and felt much better by Monday.

What I hear from other cancer survivors is true – every little ache or anything out of the ordinary immediately causes anxiety that the disease has somehow returned. You are always looking over your shoulder.